Pencarian akan C.I.N.T.A

Wow.. feels like a century i'm not touch this blog.. dan isi nya sangat vulgar sekalee.. (seems not me :-) or maybe i just think that no one read this blog coz i just wanna share all what  i feel in this blog) ya seperti kali ini, senang juga membaca nya kembali but some must edit, some must deleted (sorry you are not that important for me now 😅)

by the way, time is running soo fast ... semua kisah dibawah tinggalah kenangan. Dan sesudahnya masih banyak kenangan yang silih berganti datang namun tak terekam oleh apapun (bahkan beberapa bagian berusaha dienyahkan dari fikiran because some parts it is too rubish to remember, and you should 'buang sampah pada tempatnya' 😆😆 so I must release it and let it flow) ..

Namun tetap saja judulnya sama .. pencarian akan CINTA belum berakhir.

November lalu, ada seseorang yang melamar ku. Well, he's a good looking guy, kinda nice guy..
He has a good career, has savings and  responsible person. Perkenalan ku dengan cowok ini juga udah berjalan hampir 8 thn dengan on - off yang panjaaang banget tapi lucunya dia tetap menyimpan suka dan tak mengubah pasword semua emailnya yang kata dia sih, dari nama aku 😄

Pada saaat itu ak sangat tergoda untuk bilang 'ya'
Namun seperti biasa aku menjawab 'baiklah akan aku fikirkan dulu' karena ada rencana 'besar' yang aku harapkan kala itu dan untuk membagi di blog ini juga aku tidak sudi... (maybe that part is including a part that I have to throw away to recycle bin.. )
seandainya, pada malam itu semua berhenti pada saat itu.. Kemungkinan besar, 95% aku akan menjadi pengantin di bulan juni 2010 ini.

Tetapi, sang Jodoh pada malam itu berdiri anggun antara kami berdua..

D: baiklah bang, akan aku fikirkan dulu ya .. (desir angin...)
H(him) : oh gitu? tapi jangan lama2 mikir nya ...
D : why? kenapa begitu? (gusar ..)
H : yaah, kamu taulah, aku juga udah ada CALON yang dijodoh2 kan di kampung ... (sambil senyum)
(HAH?!  jadi aku adalah opsi kesekian dari kesekian.. mungkin sedikit terkesan dramatis seperti novel - novel romantis tapi aku berharaaap yang jadi suamiku itu yang memperjuangkan aku sepenuhnya, bukan sekedar menjadikan aku wanita cadangan yang duduk di bangku cadangan doonk... this is about marriage things!
D : ooh, kalau begitu, silahkan saja dengan dia (tukas ku cepat)
H : wah, jangan begitu lah ...(masih memikir aku bercanda)

dan.. entah bagaimana endingnya, akhirnya kami berpisah pada malam itu, yang aku ingat sepertinya sang jodoh melambaikan tangannya buat aku ...byee bye deeb.. mungkin seperti itu si cupid bilang saat dia tidak jadi memanahkan busur nya.

Lalu ... sampai detik ini aku pun percaya : aku dan dia bukan jodoh.

Tentu, impian terbesar seorang wanita menjadi seorang pengantin dan akhirnya menjadi ibu. Kapankah aku memakai kebaya putih dengan brokat emas yang sudah aku rancang sebagai gaun pengantin ku?

dan DIA menjawab : Indah pada waktunya ...

Amen for that :-)

~deb ♥ 

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Arrghhh...!!!!

Well, bad luck sometimes happen, not only the good one..
Ok, straight into the topic, lastnight i lost my mobilephone (agaiiiin..!!)
arrghhh....😫
I don’t know how, was it took by someone else from my pocket or was it drop from my pocket when i got in the bus, i just know until on the way of home while try to call my sister the phone was not there..😪
and i try to miscalled from other phone and the similar voice answer me : the number that u try to connect was off, pls try other times.. suddenly i knew it was gone.😓

I was sooo fed up at the moment.
I just buy it, and it’s quite expensive and my hand start to get used with the shape..
but after I try to look (i came back again to the place that i think maybe i drop it but still not found it) I start to release on it... try to be sincere, because that’s all I can do.. 😔

I just hope who ever find my mobile phone is someone who really really need money and help but still not find it and pray to God and God help her/him trough me..  (what a positive thought deb)

But after i realized, probably what that makes me feel kind of calm to face the lost of my mobile phone ( If  I compare with others people reaction, some of my friends when they lost things) is because I am too often lost mobile phone 😆😅 (see,I even can laugh now) its like a daily experienced for me.. so, what you supposed to surprise about 😅
Let me try to remember, how many times I lost my mobile phone.

Well, my first time when i can afford to buy handphone with my own salary .. Nokia 3350.
Heemm, now it’s kind an old fashion but at the time when I buy it, it still cool and sometimes I found people that still used it now (example my friend, Deny hehehe, sorry den 😛) so, can u imagine how much the price when I buy it 5 years ago and lost it? I were cried out lout at that time ... I am so fed up and sad.

And the second, I lost another nokia 3350.. blue one, colorfull wallpaper.. arrgghh, I didn’t knew how was it is gone, I just remembered that it just lost 😆

The third one, it is Nokia 7720,with camera and bla bla bla.. yah, I don’t need to remember all the benefit, it was gone now 😏

And the fourth was sonny ericcson ..I forgot the type, but the color it’s blue sky, with no camera, because I buy it after 2 days my Nokia 7720 gone and I want to buy the simple one so if it’s lost, I will not get a heart attack but still it feels so pain,  And guess what.. it’s lost again. 😂😂
It is lost in the mall when I am on the elevator, there is a woman who stand so close with me, I wonder what’s wrong with this lady because she keep pushing me.. and heekk, I realized after came out from mall, my phone was gone again (rolling my eyes) and that’s only a week after my fourth missing handphone.. OH Geezzz..

The six time, when I am in the mall also with my best friend Eva, to buy a present for my best friend Mita.. ya, it’s happen about last year. In carefour, Medan. I remember im not closed carefully my bag, it’s open half and a lady (again) who stand behind me so close and I should noticed but it’s soo crowded too, we can’t move, in the line to get a stamp of guarantee things.. phuuff.. Oh ya, by the way it is Nokia , I forgot the type lol..

and the seven times, it’s nokia eemm, what type let me remember, i think Nokia 6230. it is a simple one, a pink one and I kind a like it because it’s the the longest mobilephonr that I ever have without lost it haha..
 It’s almost gone about 3 times, left in the other places but when I stayed in meulaboh the people there mostly are a honest people (same like in Bali) and the shop called to my office to said that I left my handphone in their shop hehehe.. lucky me right :-D

But after that I know that my luck is not forever... now it is gone too, in Balige when I visited my sister and went out to swim with my nephew. I miss it from my pant’s pocket and guess what the same pant that I lost my mobile phone lately hehehe...

hemm, well.. I hope last night was the last time for me to lost my mobile phone.. maybe I still have 'the lost mobile phone moment' that i missed out.. but I really hope that it will be the last time.. or maybe i will not lost it for 10 years a head.

Take care your things please, don’t follow my mistaken.

I am to careless... and im still work with one of this bad habit.

And I try to write this in English, just to improve ny English .. so be patient with my vocabulary 😋

~Deby

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My day...

Today i am waiting for another invitation of interviews from the INGO that I apply. I know there are 2 NGO that I submitted my application letter,  Heem, oke deb, maybe they still considering it. (cross the finger on me self)

And the good news, today is Mita has delivered  her baby.. WOW.. congratulation Mita.. it’s a boy and healthy. I am happy for her. She more than ready become a mom and she is a mom...
I remembered  our conversation about our own life with her, it happened in the way we back from lunch to the office. After discussed how the destiny will lead us in the future.. and we prepared for the worst with choice the condition.
Deby : .... hemm, sejelek2 nya nasib aku yah? Gak punya suami dan adopsi anak aja jadinya...
and she looking at me and said :
Mita : Deb, sejelek2 nya nasib aku, aku harus punya anak dari rahim ku sendiri...

That conversation about 2 years ago from now. See? I know she will be a good mom who will give everything to make her family happy.
If everyone as ready as her to be a mom, the children will be blessed every second for their life, the children will be a great and a good person in entired of their life.

Welcome to the world baby Haikal... smooch

Ahh.. I miss the time that we spend together, I miss her... Do you miss me Mitha dear?  I hope so #huug

~deb ♥

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(in one moment...)
She feel something crack inside of her ...
such as tree branch breaking,
she knew exactly it must be her fragile heart,
crack again...
After read his blog.. searching, maybe he mention something about them.
Spark of hope came out when she read he write about a friend that he chat with...
but, after go down, and down...
she realized it’s not her. (she remember, he ever told her too this woman, who always share her tragic life)

So, she is lying in her bed, want to rest for a while,
she feel that she just running out her energy to keep continue,
tears without realize came down and make her pillow wet when she mused many things...

but she still continue,
Sometimes she smile when she read a happy things of him,
and feel blue when read the sadness part..
She realized that he has a though life...
it’s not easy being him...

An aching wish appearing again,
and she write this wish not just in her blog, but also in her heart,
someday, she will make him just write about them...
and no more sadness and tears..
only the happiness and joy of life
... no matter many times it will takes.

Say you love me every waking moment,
turn my head with talk of summertime.
Say you need me with you now and always;
promise me that all you say is true,
that's all I ask of you.

Share each day with me,
each night, each morning.
Say you love me,
that’s all I ask of you...

that’s all ask lyric)

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Everyday

Everyday...
I dream about you,
I dream about us,
Every dream so perfect in not perfect world,
but that's my secret,
together with you,
everyday will be perfect to me,
even in this unperfect world...

Everyday,
I wanna be with you...
I yelled it out, to the beach,
to the wide sky,
to every single night when i sleep alone,
to each pray that cross in my mind,
to every wish, if I still can make one...
I wanna be with you..
wanna be with you...
wanna be with you,

Everyday, i will keep the wish
until miracle happen,
and u wanna be with me too...

Life together, happily
ever..
and after...

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Happy Birthday to me ...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEB...

12.35 am ..
30 menit yg lalu tepatnya ak berulangtahun lagi :) 
WOW..
how it’s feel deb? Yg jelas ak merasa tambah tua lah 😅
Dan semakin ingin merasakan berkat Tuhan dalam kehidupan ku. Atau dengan kata lain, ingin lebih dekat dengan Tuhan lah.. ya maklum, kan udah makin tua 😅

My sister Erna called me.. to said happy b’day. Very sweet... FYI, adik aku ini, memang perhatian sekali orangnya. Dia selalu memperhatikan moment - moment berharga seperti ulangtahun dan Natal serta Tahun Baru. Kalau tidak bisa mengirimkan hadiah, dia pasti mengucapkan wtih special way. Seperti kali ini,  dia nunggu sampe jam 12 lewat 1menit and call me.
Sementara aku lupa sama hari ultah dia.. aku emang tidak termaafkanlah kala itu :(
Btw ya seperti pembicaraan biasa, dia nanya planning ku,  apalagi kalau tidak kapan menikah.
Dan seperti biasa, aku jawab dengan klise : bantu doa aja say 😅

Wow.. Aku kangen Mita dan Eva..tahun lalu kami masih merayakan bertiga. Dengan kembang api dan kue.. juga saling mengeluarkan isi hati, sampai jam 3 pagi. Tapi saat ini mereka pasti sedang berbahagia tidur dipelukan suami2 mereka... i am soo happy for them :)

Well, at least masih banyak orang2 yg ingat untuk memberikan ucapan di jam 12 malam, my sis erna, kak lia, dan Anthony.
Kemudian pas selesai telpon, Lili masuk dan mengucapkan ‘selamat ulangtahun’ ala Lili yang sudah menyiapkan kado dan memasang lilin2 di sepanjang lantai rumah kami  ..  so sweet thanks Lili 😊
So, I make a wish after blow every candles.
Thanks Lord, You always give me someone who stay beside me to treasure this special moment...
The point is, I am so happy and  I am 31 years old now... oh my God, why my look still like twenty one ya 😜😆

my wishes in my birthday, I can be more close with the Lord :)
Kemudian, dipertemukan dengan seseorang yg mencintai ku..apa adanya dan aku juga mencintai nya, apa adanya (bukan klise ini, from deep down of my heart) sehingga tahun depan aku tidak sendirian merayakan ulangtahun ini, amin.

Besok rencananya aku akan merayakan ulangtahun dengan Cewek2 cantik di CARITAS.. girlz only donk.. bye bye perayaan ultah yang ngundang seantero manusia 😝tahun ini temanya lebih private. Members only.

Happy b’day sweety, keep smiling coz u are beautiful inside and out ..!

PS : You can said a bad things about me..
but I won’t said a bad things for my self...!!! !

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09 05 04 - 09 05 08 (In memoriam)

Dik,

terkadang,
aku juga rindu untuk pulang.

kehidupan disini begitu gaduh,

terkadang aku sangat merindukan ‘rumah’

aku memimpikan, dan membayangkan
langit disana begitu tenang,

Begitu rindu untuk pulang,
dan bertemu dengan mu,di pintu nya ..

(forever) longing to see u again.

09 mei 2004 – 09 mei 2008
In memoriam for my brother Saur Parulian Tua Silitonga
Born in 1986

- kak deby -

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Akhirnya.....

Akhirnya..
Walaupun bukan akhir yang sebenarnya ak harapkan.. tapi at least aku lega ini ada berujung juga..
Bisakah membayangkan posisiku, dengan perasaan yg terus berharap dan terus menanti.. setiap hari. Bermula saat aku merasa ternyata cowok idaman itu bukan dimana mana, tetapi tepat disampingku selama ini. Untuk hipotesa ini harus diuji.  mulai sejak itu aku terus berharap... setiap hari yg terdiri dari 24 jam, 1440 menit dan 86.400 detik itu.. kebayang ngga gimana perasaan ku….
s e t i a p  d e t i k  b e r h a r a p ...

Sampai pagi ini, dia sebelumnya janji mau datang.. ada yang mau dia ambil katanya.
Lansung lah my romantic heart berdebar2…. Akhirnyaa…,
semogaaa aja dia menyatakan sesuatu, duduk di suatu tempat, mengajak apakah masih sempat sarapan bareng, dan akhirnya menyatakan ungakapan hatinya..
dan akhirnya membicarakan komitmen itu : maukah kalau kita saling mendoakan dulu..
mulai lah my romantic heart berhalusinasi..
Dan aku pun dengan terharu mengangguk2 kan kepala…..
Tetapi, pertemuan pagi ini sangat datar..
Hanya mata kami yang saling menatap.
Dan seperti nya dia terlalu bersemangat hanya untuk meninggalkan tempat ini, Dan aku tidk ada didalam segala gelora nya pagi ini.
Lalu saat berbalik dan dia pergi..
Aku tau ada yg terhempas, hatiku…. Berderai2 lagi..
kali ini ntah butuh berapa lama untuk bisa utuh lagi..
But, it's ok too ...
i am get used with it.. :-)

~DB

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Life is a Journey.

Linda:

The road ahead, hidden end of its road.
Walking to it. sometimes slowly, then fast ..
Running, falling, groping,shuffling .. but I keep running
learned to find a line of sight through getting sink.
Looking back at all the falls and bitterness (putting down the bitterness?), life can still be something worthy of remembrance
Living through, there is still meaning, if at the end there is still a difference(separate?), there is still tomorrow

Steven:
When you get hurt to the extreme, don’t know how to shed tears
Even breathing can become chaotic, it’s hard to say how to face it(hard to face you to speak?).
Linda:
When the eyes gradually turn red, crying isn’t a crime. Men or women, who hasn’t had bitter water(suffered pain)?
Both: Even though we already know the result, even if we have to sacrifice we are willing to
The road in front, not matter how bitter, still not scared that we will fall, all because there is you are close to lean on/ rely on
Forget yesterday’s suspicions, under harsh circumstances, we’ll persistently look for a route
No regrets, this life isn’t considered long nor feel short
Ah..support at sight(embracing each other at sight?)
You whether or not remember
I exist in this world
Waiting, this little story ...

to be continued, as my own journey ...

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RINDU ITU BISA BEGINI

Jam 12 malam .. 

Angin dingin menderu – deru memporakporandakan rambutmu yg lepas dari ikatannya

Menatap tak habis kelaut lepas,

Kau berdiri ditepinya saat debur ombak datang silih berganti,
membasahi telapak kaki mu yang telanjang

Namun tak kau sadari semua itu,

Karena jiwamu pilu menanggung rindu ...

~ Meulaboh, 2008 

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